Please don't close the door.

Most nights, I lie awake in bed, either eyes wide opened or closed, having all sorts of thoughts running through my head.

A few months ago, I found a mole (under-the-skin types) that I've never had before on my wrist. Fast forward a couple of weeks later, I watched Izzie get diagnosed with skin cancer. Cue paranoia. Fast forward till last night, I found another mole (under-the-skin types) on my pinkie. Plus the amount of sun I'm exposed to here, and how I don't apply sunblock as religiously, I'm even more paranoid. I know it can be nothing.

Sometimes when it's 1AM and later, everyone is already in their room. I'm one out of two rooms that is farthest from the bathroom. I brush my teeth and stare at the mirror, always alert. I walk back to my room, sometimes I check under the bed, behind the door, and inside my cupboard. *Urgh, I'm a child* When I'm in bed, I'm still alert.

Most times, to tire or distract myself, I watch videos of baby or look at pictures in my phone. I'll keep watching and watching it till I fall asleep. Or I'll study. Or avoid sleeping by watching tv series. The last one doesn't work because it'll end up giving you a headache and it's BAD for you.

I know it's safe here. The doors use key cards uniquely assigned to each person and there's no such thing as the Boogeyman. I know I can prevent skin cancer (which is pretty common around here) by slopping on sunblock and covering up skin with hats, shades, and clothing. I know I can reduce my fear by doing all my stuff early in the night. Yes.

I remember when I was younger, Mama would tuck us in at night and leave the door ajar. In the middle of the night, most nights, I'd be knocking on Mama's door, crying. And end up sleeping with my parents. Haha.